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Friday, October 7th, 2005
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Well another failed relationship upon a 1000 other problems, I am really starting to hate life.
But I leave soon enough, I will miss the few people I do love, Like my close friends and some family.
But as far as relationships and all that shit goes I'm through with it, or at least i think that cause I no longer have a heart for this world and pretty much all the people in it.
<3So yah fuck you.<3
(this is not directed to any one person just mostly everyone.)
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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Yo, so this is what has been going down this summer, right off the bat i got sworn in at meps and i am off to boot camp next june so this is the last of me. other than that tho ive been working in the cape like a mad man, i get very few days off but when i do i make the best of them.
but if you want to chill im sure you all know my number and if you dont get it from someone that knows it, but i am off cos this isnt fun anymore.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Friday night: I waited for my dad and lil bro to come home and then ate super...but before that dan and swifty stoped by.
Saturday: Watched the dogs then partied, funny shit let me tell ya...lets just say that when i woke up i had to eat some stuff that wasnt too good lol.
sunday: took care of the dogs yet again....Nothing to fun.
Been alot on my mind lately, people think that i hate them when i don't A.K.A. wicked gee.
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, June 22nd, 2005
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| Time: | 9:34 am. |
| Mood: |  bored. |
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"They say that time changes things,
but you actually have to change them yourself."
-Andy Warhol
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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I had a wicked cool weekend, first i baby sat then sat night like wicked late i ended up goign to the cape from plymouth to my friend k8's cottage and we had a little shindig. Then sunday We all went tubing and then i learend how to wake board....FUCKING FUN AS ALL HELL IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF AND I DID!!!!! :)
P.S. getting over it and moving on.....(I think)
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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I wrote her a song these are not them.
.............................................
Yeah but nobody searches
Nobody cares somehow
When the loving that you’ve wasted
Comes raining from a hapless cloud
And I might stop and look upon your face
Disappear in the sweet, sweet gaze
See the living that surrounds me
Dissipate in a violet place
Can’t you see what you’ve done to my heart
And soul?
This is a wasteland now
We spies
We slow hands
Put the weights around yourself
We spies
Oh yeah we slow hands
You put the weights all around yourself now
I submit my incentive is romance
I watched the pole dance of the stars
We rejoice because the hurting is so painless
From the distance of passing cars
But I am married to your charms & grace
I just go crazy like the good old days
You make me want to pick up a guitar
And celebrate the myriad ways that I love you
Can you see what you’ve done to my heart
And soul?
This is a wasteland now
We spies
Yeah we slow hands
You put the weights around yourself
We spies
Oh yeah we slow hands
Killer, for hire you know not yourself
We spies
We slow hands
You put the weights all around yourself
We spies
Oh yeah we slow hands
We retire like nobody else
We spies
Intimate slow hands killer
For hire you know not yourself
We spies
Intimate slow hands
You let the face slap around hersel
..........................................................
Rosemary
Heaven restores you in life
Coming with me
Through the aging, the fear and the strife
It's the smiling on the package
It's the faces in the sand
It's the thought that holds you upwards
Embracing me with two hands
Write, we'll take you places
Yeah maybe to the beach
When your friends they do come crying
Tell them how your pleasure's set up on slow-release
Hey wait
Great smile
Sensitive to faith not
Denial
But hey whose on trial?
It took a life spent
With no cellmate
The long way back
Saying meanwhile can't we look the other way?
He speaks about travel
Yeah, we think about the land
We smile like all people
Feeling real tan
I can take you places
Do you need a new man?
Wipe the pollen from the faces
Make revision to a dream while you wait in the van
Hey wait
Great smile
Sensitive to faith not
Denial
But hey whose on trial?
It took a life spent
With no cellmate
Find a long way back
Saying meanwhile can't we look the other way?
You're weightless, you are exotic
You need something for which to care
Saying meanwhile can't we look the other way?
Leave some shards under the belly
Lay some grease inside my hand
It's a sentimental jury
And the makings of a good plan
You've come to love me nightly
Yeah you've come to hold me tight
Is this motion everlasting
Or do shutters pass in the night?
Rosemary
Oh heaven restores you in life
I spent a lifespan with no cellmate
The long way back
Saying meanwhile can't we look the other way?
You're weightless, semi-erotic
You need someone to take you there
Saying meanwhile can't we look the other way?
Why can't we just play the other game?
Why can't we just look the other way?
...............................................
and yah ive been thinking of a girl lately....);
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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we used to love to be together now we just sit there in silence
(i wish it would stop.)
A.K.A. I never wanted it to be like this.
Lately I don’t know what to do I’m so confused emotions just run through me and I will act on them as soon as I get them. I guess I just don’t like being fooled with, or being let down. I have become so sick of the work "love" that word means close to nothing to me at this point. I just wish I knew what to do...Monday I freaked out, then Tuesday I tried to get along with people and that ended up being a fight. I don't know maybe I should just leave everyone’s life’s for a while and figure shit out...........................................Oh yah but on a lighter note I have a job interview today for the one place I said that I'd never work for, yah victory the Middleboro high school student place of employment lol.
.......................................................................................................
I am a sucker for a girl, but i dont know where to go or what to do from here.
.......................................................................................................
But other than the drama bullshit that I'm giving up for dead and I just cant take anymore, my week hasn’t been all that bad. Wednesday I went and hung out with Dan Allison and k8, we went to the beach and then after that we went to her cottage and then to the pond (fun day of swimming. Then yesterday I went to the pond with James Josh and Steph and went tubing and knee-boarding for the first time and I did it on my second try go me, ha ha. I want to learn how to WAKE-BOARD this summer K8 is suppose to show me how to so I’m hoping that happens because that would be allot of fun.
Well....all that I can say for everything is that I hope that in the long run it all works out............................But right now I cant be with you cos you don’t want it and i cant be near you 'cos of him.
OH YAH IF ANYONE WANTS TO GO SEE A MOVIE WITH ME SOMETIME SOON LIKE THE FANTASTIC 4 OR SOME SHAT JUST CALL ME YALL KNOW MY CELL AND IF YA DONT HERE IT IS 1(617) 543-6273 NOW USE IT LOS BITCHES!!!!
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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I didn't wish for this rainy day,
I'm not the one that made today.
acting on impulse and nothing more,
I didn't do this to us.
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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...But in a city of hero's who is there to save?
...And she held her Cigarette between her lips as she loomed towards the nightmare that is my life, and this dream that makes all hero's look like sinners instead of saints. Then i realized as the smoke dispersed around her figure I noticed that she was you, and you were there to save me from myself.
Thank you.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Our stars have fallen so i scared them into my chest.
As seven needles pierce my skin, I hear humming once again,
This one will last forever, and give me a moments satisfaction.
So I will become your night and hold everything you need me to,
I will not let a single wish go unheard, un-answere or un-granted.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 12:41 am. |
| Mood: |  shitty. | | Music: | Eminem-puke. |
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A week ago, a week from today...
I forgot how to say I love you; goodbye.
I've never felt like this before.
Doing my laundry I found a memory,
a shirt that you gave to me.
I thought of it and it wasn't that bad.
Just to give up the let down,
is all i had to do.
But my heart is cold and alone now,
I know I did it myself.
You pulled my strings until i fell,
and I couldn't stop it even tho I wanted to.
I never pictured me without you,
but now times have come,
and times have gone.
Just wish I saw that day coming,
wish I knew how it would feel.
But I'm o.k. and I'll be alright,
I won't give up unless you want me to.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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I seem to cause my own tragedies.
But if i go back on what i have done than i am weak and can be walked on
over and over again, and i can not allow to have someone i love treat me with
no respect and think lesser of me for wanting to have a big heart.
So this pain will have to eventually subside and then maybe
then everything will be better, till then I'll just wait...or fall for her and
just give in.
I just wish i knew...
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 1:58 pm. |
| Mood: | Dying. |
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A man can only take so much, my beautiful letdown.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 11:52 am. |
| Mood: |  sympathetic. |
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Dying For today and holding onto tomorrow,
but it will never get me anywhere,
because everyday moves slower than the last.
Damned To a blade, that strikes the holder.
Forgiveness is the last thing on its mind.
But it's hard to clean this mess by myself,
all that I've wanted was some help,
but it seems to be almost impossible.
So keep on walking as though nothing is real,
and we don't even matter unless it's time for it.
So let the blades dance on my skin again,
so that I may obtain a new look,
that would better suite this love,
in a way that my limbs, couldn't even imagine.
Cut me down.
(To be so free is to be divine, but to be trapped by your own love is to be blind.
Then what would it be to be lead by it instead of blinded and instead of letting it walk on you, you shot it down, what would happen? Am I happy or am I just being a miserable prick?
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Monday, February 21st, 2005
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I seem to write in here when i am at a sort of loss for words with everything else, but today i am full of words and feelings and i know what they are and how to present then and they are simple...
....I need to get out of here I will honestly die if i am to continue my life under fake pleasantries.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Sunday, February 13th, 2005
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Wish yesterday never ended, wish today never began.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Saturday, February 12th, 2005
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Is it wrong that im no longer let down by being pushed aside for something easier or cheaper?
Maybe I should be but I'm not and i don't know why. But I would sapose that it's hard to be
hurt by something that happens every week or so(yes i know you will be reading this but it's my journal). I don't think she wants to be with me all that she ever does is things that she knows are going to get on my nerves, but I'm now better than that and just brush it off my sholder and move on, because there isn't any use crying over spilt milk.
So tonight I am going to Tia's Birthday party and I'm going to have fun (even though I'm sapose to see kim tonight but then again I was also sapose to see her tomorrow but shit happens i sapose.).
I guess that I'm just going to see her on monday and pretend that everything is how it should be, because it's our one day we get to see each other and it's our sixth month of being together.
I honestly just sometiems wish that everyone would just
fuck off and figure some shit out on there own.
'Cos its not worth my breath fighting over the same things over and over again.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Friday, February 11th, 2005
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| Time: | 12:28 am. |
| Mood: | what does it matter. |
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Your heart stopped,
after you killed us
_________________________
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Thursday, February 10th, 2005
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| Time: | 12:57 am. |
| Mood: |  accomplished. | | Music: | circle takes the square. |
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I Love her even through the darkest of days,
and through the most miserable pieces of life.
Stand strong and an angel will someday arrive by our side,
to aid us within our own ignorance to find a way out.
(And as the skies fell we saw our reflection staring back at us,
and as we looked into the image that we portrayed there on the water
it seemed to loose a glow; an innocence that we once had, but we no longer
payed attention to anymore for it is far to insufficient to even notice anymore.)
So as we trap our selves in our own prisons with a lack of words,
and a shortage of imagination so that our conversations run dry,
the most sour of things are said when there is nothing said at all.
So lets keep the blood flowing to end all the bitter conversations.
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EFFFF THIS!!! saw my gf for the first time in a while well i saw her fri and sun but she was like asleep it was nice to have her really interact with me, yah I'm a geek deal with it.
Tia's birthday is coming up and she wants to go ice skating but i don't think i want to, mainly because I don't have the money to spend on it. I NEED TO FIND A JOB TOO!!! GAY!
IT'S ALMOST BEEN SIXTH MONTHS WOOHOOOO!!!!! (for Kim and I)
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005
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I got my license today!!!! Fucking ill guy let me tell you I wish i had it a lot sooner but it's cool that i have it now.
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silence through death on words of broken thoughts,
I never thought it would be like this.
Another day taken and our lives lost,
I guess this is how i will end.
......................................
Today could have turned out better than it did but so far everything is working out :\
Just hope that my whole world doesn't fall apart because that would really suck lol.
haven't been feeling secure with myself lately, I have been feeling as though I'm loosing touch with important people well just one person but a person that i hold true and dear to me. Well thats all that I'm going to say for today because it's late and i just don't feel like typing anymore.
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xnickxmacx's journal
amused.
crushed.